it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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