we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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