She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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