I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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