YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
