She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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