mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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