I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
