Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
