Where is the hickey?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
