Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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