forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
