I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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