We need to start having sex underwater more often.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He did a backflip because drugs
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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