I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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