Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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