I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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