i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
