they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
