how can u be prego again
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
