Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I love having hate sex.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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