well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
last night I used snow as a chaser
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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