So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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