I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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