Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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