the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize