Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think my vagina is haunted
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
