Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
