It's like a parade of train wrecks.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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