The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Im part way to drunk.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
