so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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