Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
