he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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