Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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