I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I wish there were birth control emojis
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
