OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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