oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
