how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
