If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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