im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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