That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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