he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
