I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He shit in the fireplace
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
