I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
