I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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