yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize