Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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