Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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