Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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