I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
