Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
