I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
