its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
