Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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