it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How external is "for external use only"?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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