I got chris browned last night
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize