My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
