when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize