yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
