Jerry, you need to find god
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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