Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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