i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
