Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
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