She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize