Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
