Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
