I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
