hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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