I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
