cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
