i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize