I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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