final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
