I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
